And, as Dahl notes, some people do not have the privilege of avoiding awkward conversations about race, for example. This avoidance is clearly a form of discrimination. One-fifth of 18 to 34-year-olds “said that they’d purposely avoided interacting with a disabled person because it made them feel so uncomfortable”. A 2014 campaign by the charity Scope found that “about two thirds of Britons surveyed said that they felt awkward or uncomfortable around disabled people”. Couples who drift into relationship markers such as marriage are less happy than those who discuss each step carefully, for instance: “Having the awkward conversation you’re dreading is often worthwhile.” When job adverts do not specifically state that pay is negotiable, women are far less likely than men to bite the bullet and negotiate a better salary. Melissa Dahl is good at describing emotions and the visceral sensations that often accompany them, Photograph: Celeste Sloman But Dahl argues that awkwardness can teach us all sorts of lessons. We’d be forgiven for avoiding embarrassment at any cost – and some people, with social anxiety disorders, do. And embarrassment – even watching other people embarrass themselves – seems to trigger some of the same processes in the brain as physical pain. Loneliness “can increase a person’s risk of death by 26% – comparable to the health risk posed by obesity”.īabies become self-conscious at the age of about two (scientists learned by sticking Post-it notes on their foreheads and showing them mirrors). Isolation “is damaging today too, even without the threat of hungry sabre-toothed tigers”, she writes. Dean Burnett’s latest book, The Happy Brain, for example, explains why survival within the group has been more important in our evolution than survival in the environment but Dahl goes further.
AWKWARD CONVERSATIONS ABOUT MONEY BOOK ONLINE FREE HOW TO
More information on how to talk about money, visit The Money Advice Service website.Ĭharlotte is the senior digital editor of the Money Advice Service.Readers of popular psychology will know by now that we social apes have evolved to find social acceptance critically important. Hope I never have to have that conversation again!’, but actually, it’s really important to follow up after a tough chat.Īcknowledge that the conversation happened, recognise it was tough and highlight all the good things that came out of it. If you disagree, suggest how you move forward.ĭo they blame you? Figure out what is making them frustrated without getting defensive (it’s hard!) and ask them what they feel you can BOTH do to resolve the problem.Īfter a difficult conversation, we generally feel like, ‘Phew! Glad that’s over. They don’t agree with the facts? Ask them why.
Not everything is going to go to plan, so if you find you’re getting a negative reaction back, try these responses. By sticking to this topic and only this topic, the conversation will be easier for you. It’s really easy to bring up other issues and complaints but it isn’t going to help move the situation forward. Having a difficult conversation about money will be emotional it’s completely valid, but getting angry or upset might interfere with the outcome. For example, if a situation which is similar to yours is on the TV, you could casually mention that this is something you’re dealing with and launch the conversation that way. If you dread the idea of bringing up a conversation out of the blue, you could use what’s around you to help. Knowing what your first sentence is going to be can make you feel more confident, so think about what you could say.
Sometimes it helps to start the conversation in a roundabout way rather than sitting down and bringing up the subject directly. There’s never going to be a perfect time but have the conversation in a place you’re comfortable. Think about where you’re going to have the conversation, when you’re going to do it and who should be there. When you plan to have a difficult conversation, prepare yourself ahead of time with a few talking points to help you out.
Here’s what you need to know to make it go as smoothly as possible. Time to tackle those difficult conversations they’ve been meaning to have for a while.
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